He felt extremely lucky to have a safe place to sleep that night, though it hadn't been a real concern for many years. Being curled up in their arms made him feel young. So young. His forehead pressed to their chest, their arms wrapped around him, their hands running through his hair. The back of the van was comfortable, warm with the summer night and only slightly tainted by the dirty smell of the city behind the incense and drugs. He'd begun to understand why they'd ever choose to live the way they did, half in a car when they'd been offered much more. But that small feeling he got from sleeping outside twisted his inside. Feeling young and feeling safe had never gone together for him. The CD playing had been a gift to him. It didn't have the quality of the radio, but it was something from around his childhood and in his language. He didn't want to admit he didn't recognize a single song. "Hey kiddo." Them only really speaking English threw the whole scene off a little. He almost hated understanding them, but their Chinese was nowhere near good enough to make it sound real yet. He responded with a muffled "sh" sound. "You're squirming again. More than normal. Something going on?" Another muffled "b" sound. "You can tell big sis if something's bothering you. I'm here to help you." Their hand ran down the small of his back, as far as they could reach when his face was to their chest. They couldn't help it, really. It was sort of nice. They weren't supposed to still be a trained, passionate masseuse when they were big sis, but it was grounding. Just subtle enough to be a little pull at the back of his mind that in reality, he was older, stronger, and capable of making them stop at anytime. "You need me to help you relax, little guy?" Another small "sh." They didn't respond right away. Their fingers ran down the back of his neck. "Is that a yes?" He sighed, then answered so they could understand with a "...yes..." Their hand worked up his back less idly now, more purposeful. They gave him a soft kiss. The thigh he'd been squirming against pushed up into him just a tiny bit. "You know what you're doing, kiddo?" A shake of his head. "Do you trust big sis?" "...Yes." "You want them to show you how to make it better?" His answer was quiet. "Can you speak up, bud?" "Yes, dà jiě." The van rocked softly as they crawled on top of him, keeping their leg in position against his crotch. He could see the light from the street reflecting on the earring he'd given them. He didn't know if it was comforting or not. "I'm going to teach you about your body, okay bud? Just lie there, let big sis take care of you." "Yes, dà jiě." They rocked their thigh against him, letting his squirming hips get a grip on them and use them how he needed to. "How does that feel?" "I feel weird." "You okay with feeling weird right now?" "Mhm." "That's very brave. You're gonna feel weird lots of times as you grow up. It's good to know that some kinds of weird are good, isn't it?" He hid his face behind his arm. "I'm proud of you, kiddo." They brushed his silk sleeve out of the way and kissed him. Their lips were soft and warm, just a little bit damp. They still smelled and tasted heavily of smoke. "Dà jiě?" "Hmm?" "Is this okay?" "Of course. This is just you learning about your body. And it's my job as a big sister to teach you, isn't it?" They kissed his cheek. "But dà jiě, is it... wrong? Shouldn't a boy's older sister not...?" They kissed his forehead. "Nobody's gonna know but us. And besides," the corners of their mouth twitched in a sad smile, "It's not like there's anyone who would care." His eyes felt warm. He didn't even realize how long it'd been since he'd cried until he could feel his vision clouding. "Dà jiě...?" "What's the matter, honey?" "Do you love me?" They ran their hand down the side of his face, caressing his cheek and stroking down his beard. That helped ground him a little again. "Of course, kiddo. We're family, aren't we?" He smiled, and he could feel how tired and weak it was. "Now sweetheart," their hand trailed down his open robe until it rested on his stomach, "You're body's been developing fast lately, hasn't it? That's why you've been feeling so funny. Your body is changing a lot right now, but that's perfectly normal." Their hand stroked his belly. "It's normal for you to want to do things to your body that make you feel good. It's not bad or wrong. It's not dirty. It's part of growing up." He could feel his hips start to tremble, still grinding softly against their leg, his legs wrapped around their back. "You're so big already. Bigger than most boys your age." Their hand moved, tracing down to where his hip bones jutted out from his stomach. "It's hard to believe you're not even a teenager yet. You've got such a strong body, doesn't it make you feel all grown up?" His other arm came up to hide his face as he felt his hips twitch. "Oh, are you embarrassed?" Another little "b". "Shh, it's okay." They kissed his neck. "That's nothing to be ashamed of. Lots of people are nervous the first time." They sat back, pulling their thigh away. "We don't have to do anything, bud." "No, dà jiě, please-" "It's okay, sweetheart, dà jiě isn't going anywhere. It's late, you can just go to sleep. We don't have to do anything if you're not ready." "I am! I'm ready!" A smug smile broke through their gentle expression. They were glad he'd covered his eyes himself. "There's my boy." Their hands moved over his stomach and chest, tracing over the muscle and bone, making his stomach clench. He was still squirming, humping the air and wriggling around. "Your body is changing so much." They stroked his sides, slipping underneath his robe. "It's a lot, huh? I know, I know. It's okay, sweetheart. Don't cry, buddy, it's okay. Don't be embarrassed. Everybody goes through this. It's normal." Their hand brushed his thigh and he squeaked. He was breathing heavily, his heart racing. "It's normal to be afraid and nervous." Their hand cupped the inside of his thigh. "It's normal to want to explore." They rubbed gently. "It's not bad or wrong. It's part of growing up." His thighs clenched around their arm and they laughed softly. "I'm so proud of you, bud. You're so brave… such a strong boy. You're a very, very special boy." Their voice was quieter. "So special." Their hand traced over his inner thigh, then up, between his legs. "You know what these parts are, right sweetie? Your body is getting older, and the changes are happening here too. They're a little different than other boys your age, huh? I bet that makes you a little nervous." Their finger grazed the underside of his tdick. He squealed at the contact, bucking into them. "Ah, sorry, kiddo. Did that feel too strange?" "N-no." "Are you sure, bud?" "Please, dà jiě..." The tears were obvious in his voice now, head thrown back and hidden behind his sleeves. They leaned down to kiss his stomach. They had to hold him a little to make sure his writhing didn't hurt either of them, and gently so it didn't scare him and make him flail more. They licked downward. "Can you tell me what this part is called?" They eased his robe out of the way and kissed it softly. "Please..." They kissed the underside, then flicked their tongue over the tip. "Can you say it for big sis, kiddo? What is this part called?" His grip on English tended to fade when he felt this small. Them asking for words only made him feel smaller. "C...cl...cll-t" "Very close, kiddo." They took the tip into their mouth. He felt so tiny in comparison. He could barely keep up with his own breathing. "You're awful wet already, baby. I bet you've been getting wet a lot lately, huh? Does it make you feel funny, feeling all sticky down there?" His hips were shaking. His body felt hot and tingly, the feeling of his own silk robe against his skin almost too much. They gave him a long, languid lick, resting his tdick on their tongue, then easing it into their mouth. In, then out, then in again, then his legs wrapped around their head and held them in place. They couldn't help but smile around him, bobbing their head shallowly, letting their tongue taste his entrance. He was crying openly now. He didn't know if he was trying to buck up or pull away. His body didn't know what it wanted. They did, though. They knew exactly what he needed. They could hear him trying to get his words out, babbling in sounds they only half understood. They let him push them off and pull them back down, giving him the control he needed. With one arm still hiding his face, the other grabbed for them. They offered up their hand for him to squeeze. "I know, I know, kiddo," they mumbled between the attention they were giving his tdick, "I know." Their other hand was busy supporting him so his back stayed arched off the floor of the van. They still kneaded at him on instinct. He hissed and crooned, breathing choked, squeezing their hand tightly, not as careful not to scratch as he should've been. He didn't even hear his own cries anymore. He was only feeling what they were doing, feeling how small he was. For now, he was a little boy, and his sister was helping him understand his body. They were always there for him, they'd always help him. They were the only one who could take care of him. He wasn't strong, he didn't have to be, he was a little boy. A little boy. He didn't notice how badly his body was spasming until they pulled their hand from his and wrapped their arms around his waist, holding him in place. They hummed against him, letting him come down slowly. He gasped for air, trembling. "Sh, shh, it's alright kiddo." They wiped their mouth on the back of their hand. "There we go, see? You're okay, buddy. It's all okay, not so scary. Big sis took care of it for you." His body was still twitching, but his legs loosened their grip. "Oh, poor thing." They stroked his sides, easing him down onto his back. "Look at that. You're a mess, huh kiddo? Did it feel good?" He couldn't find the words, just nodded. They laid back, worn out from the work, resting their head on the back window. Without looking, they shuffled through a nearby bag, fishing out a little unmarked bag of pills, then fumbled around for their canteen. They swallowed a few down and chased it with a gulp of water. "We've gotta quit doing that without protection," they mumbled, not sounding too convincing. He peered over his sleeve. He could see the light coming through the tinted windows reflecting off of their earring. He didn't know if that helped ground him or not. The hand they'd released started up towards his own necklace, then stopped just short. He didn't care to think about it right now. He was so small and so tired. "You're so brave, honey. You're a very, very special boy." The sound of the CD playing seemed so far away. "So special." They crawled back up and laid down beside him, running their fingers along the arm that was still hiding his face. They kissed the sleeve of his robe, then the top of his head. He let them coax his arm down and press a kiss to his lips. "You're gonna be a big boy soon, bud." They tucked his hair back. "And it's a scary time, growing up. It's hard to be a big boy, isn't it?" "Mm." "It's okay, kiddo." They stroked down his face, down his beard. "You don't have to worry about it yet. Not tonight." He curled against them, his legs tangled in his robe. The incense was wearing out. The smell was still strong, but it was getting thinner. The city was still masked, now behind the scent of them. They still tasted and smelled so strongly of smoke. They were warm and comforting. The van was dark, and the street outside was still and calm. "Just lay here, kiddo." They hugged him. "Lay here with big sis and rest, sweetheart. It's been a long day, hasn't it?" They kissed him. He didn't have the energy to try and reciprocate. "I'm so proud of you, kiddo. You're such a brave boy." He didn't have the energy to say anything. He didn't have the energy to think. Their touch was gentle and soft. He didn't even have the strength to cry anymore. "You're such a good boy, buddy. My strong, brave little man." The city was calm. The backstreets were empty. There were no sirens or police cars. There was no one looking for him. No one cared about him. He was a little kid. He was a scared, lonely little boy, but his big sister was taking care of him.